IÂ'm a lost daughter!

I realise IÂ'm not alone in this situation. Have read many of the stories and now decided to tell mine.

I grew up with my brother and my three sisters. My mum and dad divorced when I was about 3 or 4 years, so I donÂ't remember much from that time. Still it has affected me and made me to the person I am today.

I prefer thinking that my brother and sisters, had to go through something much worse than me. Maybe I actually did go through the same - but this is something I canÂ't remember. They have only told me that it was a lot of alcohol.. a lot of fights - and that I should be lucky not to remember it.

My parents were married for about 15 years and I am the youngest in the family. My mother left my father because he craved the alcohol more than he wanted to take care of the family!

Although, the biggest reason for my motherÂ's want to divortion, was that she once woke up in the middle of the night and heard my father loading a gun! Somehow she managed to run away with us children in time.

It has hurt me a lot that he did not want us.., or maybe he did but he just could not stay away from the alcohol.

He got so mean when he was drunk and he took it all out on us; his children. My brother really hates him today for what he did and for never being there for him when he was a child. He is the best brother I have. He helps me and my sisters whenever we have a problem. He helps us fixing our car when something is wrong. (He knows everything about cars even though no one was there to teach him about it, he simply figured it out himself)

My relations to men have been affected by my situation. I have always felt that something is missing inside of me. Maybe that is a fatherfigure who cares and loves me the way I am. A warm hug when I feel lost.

I have had my mother but it is not the same.

I have wasted many years of my life on relationships with men who clearly donÂ't deserve me. I have been way too good for them, without the ability to see it. I still havenÂ't got through it all, but IÂ'm working on it.

I have always found "dangerous", hard-to-get-men very attractive - and that might be caused by me, always looking for the same kind of man that my father is?

My father and I donÂ't have any contact at all, today.

My two twin-sisters have had problems. One of them has been through a lot of depression and the other has become an alcoholic. Sad but true.

I have problems to rely on men as I always think that they will leave sooner or later. The good ones are not my type.

As IÂ've said: I have come a long way, but I am not there yet. At least I would not allow myself to get stuck in a destructive relationship again.

Many thanks for this site! It helps a lot!

2 comments:

Hej, Ville bara säga att jag verkligen känner igen mig i din historia. Min far och min mamma gick skilda vägar när jag var 2 sen hörde jag inte av honom förrän 20år senare och då tog jag kontakt. Jag träffade honom men det var som att träffa en främling. Ett år senare dog han och när jag var på sjukhuset för ett sista farväl ville han knappt veta av mig. Jag har också varit i många destruktiva förhållanden med " farlig" män. Män osm inte har kunnat se mig för den person jag är eller har varit förmögna att ge mig kärlek på rätt sätt. Det är sorligt. Jag försöker att bryta detta mönster och jag vill inte lev aså här längre i dysfunktionella realtioner men jag får fullständig panik när någon lämnar mig då står jag med tiggarskålen och gör allt för att få dem tillbaka. Innerst inne känner jag mig väl övergiven och liten. Vill bara säga kämpa på och ta en dag i taget. Kramar

YouÂ're strong! Keep up the fight for the life you deserve!