My parents were divorced when I was about 7 years, and my father moved to an other part of Sweden.

After that it took a couple of years before we had contact again (my mother didnt help, if you know what I mean).

When we started to meet again we had nowhere to go when he was in town; therefor we spent a couple of hours driving around in his car.
Then he drove me back to my home and later spent the rest of the weekend at his sisters...

He took me to Finland with his new woman and later on two times to England.

I remember when my sister was born; he didnt call to tell me, his sister did.

He arranged for me to spend a couple of weeks each summer, working at his office.
He had now left my sisters mother too and were living with another woman.

We had quite a lot of contact, but it was always me who called, me who took the initiativ.  
I remember that he was quite impressed by my boyfriend (later husband, now ex-husband) and he told me that I didnÂ't deserve such a good guy.

When I was 26 I got pregnant and my world was spinning with happiness. Once, when I called to tell him about my happines, that s o b said "You know, this thing; me becoming a grandfather; that doesnÂ't mean anything to me".

Speachless!

And then,when my son was born, I didnÂ't call him, my husband did. And he came to see us for 10 minutes when he was in town visiting his sister.
I sat on the floor with my son and didnÂ't bother to get up.

He and his wife (yes he got married; his sisterÂ's were invited, I was not)
were invited to my sons baptising but they couldnÂ't make it; there was a course with their new passion; horses, that they couldnÂ't miss.

A year later I got married and for appearance I invited him, his wife and my sister. they all came, but my father didnÂ't make the traditional speach...

Soon after that I wrote him a letter where I told him how much he had disappointed me, hurt me and if he werenÂ't prepaired to be a grandfather to my sonÂ's when they were small, he wouldnÂ't be wellcome later.

After that we didnÂ't have any contact until a couple of years ago, when my oldest son played hockey in his new town (he had again divorced and found a new woman, now closer to my home).
I found his companys website and sent him an e-mail.
Then we (me and my sons)met with him and his new woman for a couple of hours.

2005 we received a christmas-card, his companys christmas-card and, because I am familiar with his handwriting,IÂ'm sure he didnÂ't write it. It was the work of his woman.

Last summer I turned 40; not a word. But I hadnÂ't expected anything.

But both his brother and sister came to my party and I know that they are ashamed of his behaviour.

So now, beeing 40 with one teenaged son and all, I still find myself longing for a father to turn to when life doesnÂ't smile at me. And a father to turn to when it does!

I sometimes hate him, sometimes pity him but I will never forget him, or the pain he causes me.