I met my father for the first time ever in march 2006.

I have a little sister and a big sister, and we all have 3 different fathers. They have always had contact with their fathers, not a lot, but at least they knew who they were. We grow up 3 girls alone with our mom, so I never had any kind of a father figure.

My mom always told me while growing up that my dad didnÂ't want anything to do with me...when I was 14 my mom applyed for some money from my father, to have my confirmation party, and thats when I found out that he had 3 other kids than me, we didÂ't get any money, heÂ's reason was that he had 3 other kids to support. At this point I started thinking a lot about my other siblings, who where they and so on. I wanted to meet them, but didÂ't think that would be possible without  going throw my father... whom I absolutely didnÂ't want to ever meet.

Last year, I had been with my boyfriend (now ex boyfriend) for 11 years, we had a very close relationship, and he was kind of the man in my life that I had never had, he gave me unconditional love and he was always there for me. The problem was that I didnÂ't feel the way that you are supposed to feel about a boyfriend, he was more like a brother to me, he always made me feel so save and secure, and I really needed that, he gave me everything that I needed from a father, and therefore eventhough I knew that this relationship wasnÂ't doing any of us any good, I couldnÂ't leave... I depended too much of his unconditional love, and just knowing that he would always be there for me. One day though, after spending month thinking deeply about my life, I decided to find my roots, and end my relationship.

I found my fathers address on the internet, and wrote him a letter, telling him about my life, and how it had always affected me not having a father. I told my sister that I probably wouldnÂ't ever hear from him, but that was okay, at least this way he could realise that I was actually a living person, and that I had suffert because of him. About 2 days after I recieved a letter back from him, I was shaking and crying, and couldnÂ't believe it, he actually wanted to meet me, and he was so happy that I had written him... I was very confused. Finally we arranged to meet, I keept teling him that I wanted to wait, It just seemed to crazy, I couldnÂ't sleep at night just thinking about how all this was going to affect my life, and that now I was actually going to meet by brothers and sister.
I have never been as nervous as I was that day... I could barely walk out of my door, and had to call my sister for comfort.

We met at this little coffee place close to were I lived... He came walking towards me, I had sent him a picture, so he kind of knew what I looked like, I on the other hand had absolutely now idea what he looked like, he stared right at me, and thatÂ's when I realised it was him, we were both really nervous, and gave each other a little hug, and then we went inside and sat down, after just a few minutes, we were both very calm...
We talked for 4 hours.

Since then I have pretty much become a part of the family, when you ask them anyways, my father has, including me, 4 children with 4 different women. I donÂ't see him a lot anymore, mostly when him and his girlfriend have partys, I donÂ't think that we have developed any kind of father daughter relationship, but IÂ'm okay with the way thinks are now, at least I know who he is. He has always been terrible at taking responsibility for any of his kids... but IÂ'm the only one who he didnÂ't have contact with. I think in many ways I have come to know my self a lot better after getting to know him, I donÂ't think that he will ever by a very big part of my life, but through him I now have 2 great brothers, a sister, and a nephew which IÂ'm very happy about.

I have tried to find out why my father never did anything to meet me, but to me all that he says is just a bunch of bad excuses.
I hope I have inspired others

Thank you for reading my lost daughter story

1 comment:

Hi
I just want to tell you that I think you were brave when you contacted your father and whent to see him. I never contacted my father and it has been hard that he did contacted me a few times a year but I missed him like crazy and was afraid to tell him. Now he is dead. But it is so good that you contacted your father. It helps a lot to read your story because you write that he has a lot of excuses. It helps me to finally see that my father and mother blame eatchother. Did not see my father for 10 years and then a few times and then I lost connection in 5 years and then he died. Wish I had told him how much I loved him and needed him, but I was afraid to scare him away.
A long comment but I hope it is ok.
Good autum to you!
Henriette