My father moved out when I was 3, when my brother was born. He then visited us occasionally, he just showed up whenever it suited him and during our childhood my brother and I never had a phonenumber or an address where we could reach him.

When I was 9 he vanished after a huge fight with my mother, and reappeared 7 years later at my grandmotherÂ's. He kept in touch for a couple of years, but then it became obvious that he had problems. He told my brother that he really isnÂ't my real father (which he really is), and made him promise not to tell. But of course he did.

First I felt this great gratitude toward my father for having taken care of me at least a little tiny bit even if I wasnÂ't his daughter, but after having spoken to my mom and realising that what he said wasnÂ't true my feelings toward him got even more confused - I never had a chance to confront him about this.Then my father disappeared again, after a conflict during which he accused my boyfriend of having stolen his sunglasses.

He has met my brother a couple of times after that, but that also ended in a conflict. I now know that he keeps in touch with my grandmother, mainly to get some money, it seems, and I went to visit her this summer to get some answers. She said that she really doesnÂ't think that he would care a bit about her either if it wasnÂ't for the money, and that he never tells her anything about himself. She later told my father thet I had been there, and that I had left my phonenumber. She says that he didnÂ't comment that in any way, and didnÂ't care about the number.

Earlier I was so angry at him that I wouldnÂ't have tried to contact him at all, but now I really wanted some answers. And I guess I got them.