my mum and dad got divorced when I was one,and my dad moved to the north of Sweden.until the age of nine,i saw him occassionally.i flew up to see him on schoolbreaks,and he came down to stockholm once in a while (maybe i saw him twice every year or so)..
dont know exactly why,bur when i was about nine,all contact stopped..no phonecalls,visits,presents or anything..i didnt see him again until I was 15,at my granddads funeral.i remember him saying hi,but i didnt reply,just looked away..i felt ashamed and uncomfortable..i felt like he had to say hi because the rest of his family was there watching him..anyway,he didnt bother saying anything else..
almost four years later,on the night before my graduation,he calles out of the blue..asks me if he can come to my school and congratulate me the day after..im shocked and dont know what to say,but i agree...maybe i should give him this chance,i think..
my graduationday is not what i planned..im too nervous to enjoy myself..im gonna see my dad again..and he is gonna bring my 7 months old brother that ive never seen before,and his new girlfriend..
he hug me and give me flowers.i say thanks,smile,and cuddle a little bit with my brother..but there is too much going on,so many people there to congratulate me,so we never actually say anything to each other..then he leaves.
not a word in over a year..and then my grandmum (my dads mum) ask me if i wanna come to my dads surprise 50th birthdayparty.i dont know why,but i agree,and bring a friend.the party is at a restaurant,and he seems genuinely happy to see me.he hugs me,and wants his photo taken with me...i feel a bit like a trophy,and he doesnt really feel ashamed at all that im actually his 20 year old daughter that he doestn know anythng about..
after the party we actually meet up.three times.i come to dinner at his place,but everytime he calls me( maybe 5 calls alltogether),he talks about how much my brother(who is about 2 year old here) wants to see and get to know me..its never him,he never mentions that HE wants to see and get to know me..
i gave up..havent seen him for about 3 years now..