I grew up with my father, but he has never been truly present. IÂ've always felt like his work i so much more important to him than me.

My parents got a divorce when i was 7. Me and my  sister lived with our mother and met our father two, maybe three times a week, more or less. I thought we had a quite normal relationship but there was something missing. When went to middle-school my father moved to SkÃ¥ne. We then met on some of my holidays, so a few times a year. For christmas, easter, birthdays and during the sumers.

It has taken me quite some time to figure out what IÂ've been missing in our relationship. I think it is his full attention when we meet. I feel like he takes me for granted. When I visited him in SkÃ¥ne i sometimes felt like furniture. He was really happy too see me when i arrived but the next day he akted like I was always there. Suddenly he had left the house to go shopping without telling me, gone for a long walk without me or left the diningtable to watch TV during dinner. I felt like i always had to do something to deserve his love, like say the right things, always be funny and interesting. It didnÂ't feel like he loved me no matter what.

Three years ago we started to argue. Suddenly I was so frustrated that I couldnÂ't hold it in any longer. We argued many times over the phone. I hardly remember the things I said to him during those conversations Â'cause I was SO angry. I cried until I screamd and screamd until I cried.And no matter how much IÂ've tried to explain to him why IÂ'm angry and upset, he does not understand. That still makes me incredibly frustrated and angry. It feels like he doesnÂ't even try.
After some time i stopped calling, he as well.  Then I didnÂ't speek to for almost a year, but when we spoke again we argued. I met him for christmas, but it felt fake, shallow. Then we didÂ'nt speak for a few months. He called two days before garduation and said that we were going to fix this. Then I didnÂ't here from him for over a year.

Then I decided to call him, i decided that i miss him and need him. So we spoke and I heard that he was very happy that I called. And then he called and now I am going to meet him soon. I long to see him. Although IÂ'm frustrated and sad I want to forgive him. I just need to, not only hear him say it, but know that he loves me.

I know that we prbably wont have a great father-daughter realtionship bur weÂ'll have something and IÂ'll get too meet my little sister.