Erica, 20
Submitted Sep 24, 2008
My father is dead Erica's father is dead
May 30th my Father died, I was born on June 3rd, just several days later. I was never abandoned, or left, and un wanted. But I will also never be able to track him down if I wanted to. His death was was very hard on my mother, she hardly ever talks about him, and when I younger she told me He had an allergic reaction to peanut butter, which is partially true. What actually happened was he ate out and specifially ask the cook to NOT use peanut oil (he was deadly allergic) and they did. Not that money can help the position Im in now, but sueing would have been financially helpful.

Growing up and a town where everyone knows everyone people always ask who my father is and once i tell them i get the same responce...ohhh im soo sorry. its not that i dont care about theyre remorse its just more that they think the wound is still fresh. Ive heard the same line for 20 years. Instead of hearing that id rather hear stories, great stories, so i have a better understanding the life he lived. Ive been debating on sending letters to people who knew him while he was alive and ask them to send me a story of my father that they remember of him.

I am 20 now and have been wondering more and more about him and who he was. My mother does very little to help me understand. But its still not enough.

At the same time I am having this issue that many other girls are having on the this site. I have severe trust issues with males, along with very little understanding and lots of jelousy. Its not that I have no one to turn to its more that no one can truely understand. Anyone have advice???
Oct 01, 2009, John Chesney wrote:
Hi Erica, since you asked I thought I'd comment. First of all I think it would be good to write your father's friends to learn more about him. He can still be a good father in your heart even though he has passed away. As you learn good things about him you can follow his example. If you learn of mistakes and errors you can forgive and still love him. You have suffered a hard thing, a great loss. People react to these things in one of two ways. They either get stronger or they give in to the temptation of becoming a victim. The choice is completely yours. Many people get mad at God, that's the biggest mistake of all. God is your heavenly father and believe it or not he can and wants to fill every empty space left by your departed dad. I wish you a very happy and love filled life.
Oct 25, 2009, idalindgren wrote:
even though my father did not die, he just wastn't there, I still understand your story. Or at least parts of it. I get questions every now and then, "where is your father?", "how come he's not in your life?". It's so hard to answer these questions, partly because I don't know why. I've stopped trying to ask my mother about him, because she simply won't talk about him. Of course it hasn't changed my curiousity at all, it's just a subject I avoid.