I have only met my father once in my life. Briefly when I was 6 y.o. I could not fathom how I could have 2 fathers. Mum told me and threatened me never to mention this again. I was to find out when I was 17 that Mum and my real Dad had an affair and I was the result.I was given an opportunity of 5 mins one after noon after schookl to meet my real Father. It was just up the road from where I lived and I was so confused and terrified I couldn't get out ofthe car. Mum was impatient and told me to get out of the car and to stand where he could see me. I am so sorry for how I was I wished and forever will wish I went and saw him. I went so far into denial that I had forgotten this had even happened, until two years ago and receiving counselling. I have no name of my Father and I have searched sites that posts searches. I have to live with my past and take comfort from the fact that Dad at least came to see me twice. I would love an opportunity to meet him but chances are he may have died by now. I just can't cry anymore and the pain may weaken over time. I guess appreciating who I am and that what I can't identify from my Mothers traits were probably my Dads. How people never come to realise the result of their actions affects others baffles me still. But I must forgive to move on and may be the next 50 yrs will be filled with joy.
Thankyou Lost daughters for letting me speak what I was denied so long to be able to do. Speak and tell someone. JK.