Henriette, 39
Submitted Jul 16, 2006
Have met my father Henriette has met her father
My father is dead Henriette's father is dead
I lived with my mother and father till I was 1 or 2 years old and they got divorced. I missed my dad a lot even thoug I was very small. It was very confusing that he was not there. We moved to my mothers home. I will never forget the day my mom told me that my dad was not going to live with me anymore. That he lived in Sweden now. I was 3 years old.

My mom had found a good apartment for her and I to live in. I thought:"what did he do since he cannot live with us anymore?" I smiled and said "ok, mum", but inside it was chaos and a mountain of pain and sadness and confusion.

I put my father away inside. Recently I have tried to take him back.

My mother understood that I missed him,but kritisised him so much and told me bad things about him till it almost broke my heart. I loved him, but she could not stand it.

I was very loyal to both of them and it was so painful.

My father never said a bad word about my mum. I thank him so much in my heart. He came and took me to the cinema, zoo or restaurent a few times a year and I slept over in his home 4 times I think. He had found a new wife before my mom and dad was divorced.

I liked his new wife and did not like her. She was with my dad all the time. "Why did he want her and not me?" I thougth. I missed my father every single day of my childhood.

I never knew when I was going to see him. My mum could say one day "Your dad is comming tomorrow after school!" And I was extreemly exited!!!

That created a pattern. I am waiting for daddy! He will be here any minute now! I cannot settle down, because I am waiting for daddy!

He took me to a ballet school for 2 weeks when I was 18. That was the longest time I have been away with my dad after the divorce.

When I was 18 i moved to england for 1½ year because my father went there to live.But, to my big big disapiontment, we did not see each other a lot. I walked the streets of London missing him and waiting for him to contact me. I was afraid he did not like me. Or was I too ugly?

Why? Why? Why? Did he not want to be together with me as much as I wanted to bee with him??

I went back to DK and then returned to UK because he stayed there. I worked at the same place as my dad. Then I went home to DK. He made a strange phone call to me. I hung up on him.

He did not contact me for 10 years.

I was afraid to contact him. Afraid to push him further away from me. So much pain in all those years!

Then I saw him for about a year, because he suddenly called me. We had a disagrement and I neded at break from him. He did not contact me. I could not reach him on the phone. Was still afraid to push him away if I looked for him.
I did not know if he was in DK or UK or India or Sweden.

I started contacting Red Cross and the Danish embasse in London. Nothing.

One day, 21st of December 2005, I recieved a letter from the Danish government that my father died in May 2005 in the UK.

I was crushed!

The hope is gone! Lost him so many times in my life and now for ever!

No goodbye or hugs.

Nothing. Emptyness!

I travelled to see were he lived in the UK. His home was still with all his things and I could take the things with me that I cherished most.

There was a letter for me he had started on on a floppy disk. He wanted to contact me from the UK. He never send the letter or contacted me for 5 years..

I was told that he was attacked 3 times with a base ball bat and he got ill and did not want anyone to see him. He had very nice people to look after him when he died of a stroke. But how I missed him!!!! Now I have started transforming because now I can not loose him more. I cannot hurt him with my thougts or crying.

This place "Lost Daughters United" is a blessing to find! Thank you for making this space! Thank you for sharing!

Your stickers really brake my heart! Like:"I am not really alone"
I have kept that inside for so many years!

Am I really someone you want to leave for so long?
Not mentioning it when we meet again?

Thank you all!