My mother told me when she found out she was pregnant with me in 1967 that my dad said he didn't want to have children and that if she kept me, he wouldn't stay around.  So she kept me and he left.  She married someone else and I thought he was my father until I found some old hospital records in the attic.  Surprise!  Well she wouldn't tell me his name or anything.  Of course he didn't want me back then, but I think I had a right to know who he was, so not I not only don't have a dad, but there is a little resentment toward my mother also.  Has anyone out there had a similar experience.
I feel guilty because i'm have anger toward my mom, but i still feel like I should be told.  I mean, is she protecting him or me.  Plus, sometimes I felt she just kept me to get back at him because he gave her an ultimatem.
Everytime she married someone else she was perfectly happy to leave the parenting to them.  No matter what kind of person they were.

1 comment:

Hello Cathy,
My story is similar to your. I have never met my father either. I only knew he was living in England.(I and my mother are living in Sweden) That was what my mother told me when I as a small child asked were he was. She never said anything else. Always ended there. This made me think that this was a "forbidden" subject to mention or talk about. This has made my mother and I distant from each other. It made me aware of that you have secrets from your close ones.When I grew up I used to have fantasies about who my dad was. That he was rich and had a lot of horses and so on. (I was very much into horses then). When I was 19 years and left home and moved to a new town, Stockholm. I got a lot of questions about my heritage. (I don't look Swedish at all.) All in a very kind and interested way, but what cuold I reply. So 19 years old I dared to ask my mother from what country was my father. She told me he was from India and his name was Krishna Aan something. End o f discusssion again. A few years later my former husband one day asked her about my father and said that it would be good for me to know more about him. Thank you Age for helping me. Then she told me a bit more about him. But still now that I'm 41 she hasn't come up with any reason why she dcide not to talk about him. And I have wondered aobout if she was raped or anything or if he done something to really hurt her. But she has no reason. She can't ven tell if I look like him. But when I was a babay she must have seen it. Now I have a son of my own, I live togehter with his father. I wonder what she will tell him the day he starts to ask about his grandfather?