Mia, 34
Submitted Feb 21, 2007
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Mia grew up with her father but never felt truly loved |
I grew up with my father but he was away on weekdays in a traveling job as a salesman. Therefore I always waited for him to come home and the household without him seemed insecure and unsafe since "The man should be home to protect the family". I also grew up wondering how I could be loved by him. He never reassured me that he loved me or encouraged me to explore the world. There was seldom time for me, my troubles or my joys. My mother became the only present parent, and that is a tough reality even though she gave me and my brother all she had. It seems I spent my childhood waiting for him.
What he did teach me was that the world was unsafe (the Cold War, the competitiveness etc) and that the only safe thing to do was to work very hard. For my father work is the most important thing in life, more important than his children, his wife or partner, even his life. For him it was more important to be right and successful than to love me.
As an adult I notice that his values still live inside me and as unemployed I feel worthless. It seems I am still struggling to be "DaddyÂ's girl" and receive his love.
When I grew up I thought this was the reality for everyone, that it was normal for a father to love work more than his children. When I became a teenager I turned all the guilt and anger inside, as if it was my fault. I chose a career that would impress him, I even chose to be in sales to have something in common with him. As I see it now I let my true self down and lived year by year in agony, anxiety and low self asteem. All the success I got didnÂ't make me feel loved.
The last few years I have started a journey towards a wholer life. I have started to love myself. I have also turned down some of my fatherÂ's values. Therapy, the twelve step program and lots of love have helped me on the way.
As a child I was a victim to a man that couldnÂ't be a father. As an adult I can choose to make me happy. I deserve a life of being loved. I deserve love.
Thank you for listening. Telling my story helps me to recovery. I hope and pray that you also find yourself, even though somebody lost you when you were a child. Love, M
What he did teach me was that the world was unsafe (the Cold War, the competitiveness etc) and that the only safe thing to do was to work very hard. For my father work is the most important thing in life, more important than his children, his wife or partner, even his life. For him it was more important to be right and successful than to love me.
As an adult I notice that his values still live inside me and as unemployed I feel worthless. It seems I am still struggling to be "DaddyÂ's girl" and receive his love.
When I grew up I thought this was the reality for everyone, that it was normal for a father to love work more than his children. When I became a teenager I turned all the guilt and anger inside, as if it was my fault. I chose a career that would impress him, I even chose to be in sales to have something in common with him. As I see it now I let my true self down and lived year by year in agony, anxiety and low self asteem. All the success I got didnÂ't make me feel loved.
The last few years I have started a journey towards a wholer life. I have started to love myself. I have also turned down some of my fatherÂ's values. Therapy, the twelve step program and lots of love have helped me on the way.
As a child I was a victim to a man that couldnÂ't be a father. As an adult I can choose to make me happy. I deserve a life of being loved. I deserve love.
Thank you for listening. Telling my story helps me to recovery. I hope and pray that you also find yourself, even though somebody lost you when you were a child. Love, M
