Pernilla, 33
The best of luck, Em.
Submitted Feb 24, 2007
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Pernilla has met her father |
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Pernilla decided not to stay in contact with her father |
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Pernilla's father has a new family |
My story is like many others...
My parents were married until I was six years old when they got divorced. Cause - He was unfaithfull over and over again.
My father have been in my life during growth in periods when he felt he liked it or should I say when he had time between girlfriends. The periods could last 6 month to a year then he could "disapear" for as long as a year. I have a big sister and she was "papas girl" and I always thought that I didnĀ't care if he was around or not. But I found out during theraphy that I acually did care. He had caused a really big hole, a big black hole in me and even if a still donĀ't want to admit it, it really really hurts.Ā Ā Every time when I see a typical american movie where a father and daughter relation is interpret I always wonder "Why not me?".
It has effected my emotional life in that way that I have had really big problems with trusting other people, particulary men in relations. How can I trust him to love me when the one you assume to love you unconditional donĀ't? The result has repeted itself and many of my relationships didnĀ't last cause my lack of trust drove the relationships to the edge were it ended.
During my upbringing me and my sister always tried to keep contact with our father. When I was 26 years old I moved to a city where my father then moved. We re-established our connection but this time we had many long talks about what went wrong and how we wanted it to be this time. I told him that this would be the last time. I couldnĀ't accept any more misstakes and lies from him, it had been to costly for me. Costly emotional... He understood and it felt good. It lasted for a year and a half. Then the lies came, again... And I had promised my self so this was it. No more! I havenĀ't spoken to him for almost five years now. I unfortunately met him in 2004 at a official dinner. He had had a whiskey so he dared to say hello to me. He said that it was sad that it had ended the way it did. The only thing I felt was embarraessed. I didnĀ't really say anything. The day after I just ignored him. I donĀ't have anything to say to him. My "dad-account" is emptey and looked. I donĀ't care if he is alive or dead...
In june I will be married and I will get my future husbands lastname and that feels great. My lastname is the last thing I have that connect me to my father so that will be the final closure.
I miss a fathercharacter, someone I could bond with and feel a closeness with. I have accepted that I donĀ't have that and never will. I know that I have turned out to be a great person, because of him but not thankĀ's to him.
This is short version of my story. Thank you for letting me share it!
My parents were married until I was six years old when they got divorced. Cause - He was unfaithfull over and over again.
My father have been in my life during growth in periods when he felt he liked it or should I say when he had time between girlfriends. The periods could last 6 month to a year then he could "disapear" for as long as a year. I have a big sister and she was "papas girl" and I always thought that I didnĀ't care if he was around or not. But I found out during theraphy that I acually did care. He had caused a really big hole, a big black hole in me and even if a still donĀ't want to admit it, it really really hurts.Ā Ā Every time when I see a typical american movie where a father and daughter relation is interpret I always wonder "Why not me?".
It has effected my emotional life in that way that I have had really big problems with trusting other people, particulary men in relations. How can I trust him to love me when the one you assume to love you unconditional donĀ't? The result has repeted itself and many of my relationships didnĀ't last cause my lack of trust drove the relationships to the edge were it ended.
During my upbringing me and my sister always tried to keep contact with our father. When I was 26 years old I moved to a city where my father then moved. We re-established our connection but this time we had many long talks about what went wrong and how we wanted it to be this time. I told him that this would be the last time. I couldnĀ't accept any more misstakes and lies from him, it had been to costly for me. Costly emotional... He understood and it felt good. It lasted for a year and a half. Then the lies came, again... And I had promised my self so this was it. No more! I havenĀ't spoken to him for almost five years now. I unfortunately met him in 2004 at a official dinner. He had had a whiskey so he dared to say hello to me. He said that it was sad that it had ended the way it did. The only thing I felt was embarraessed. I didnĀ't really say anything. The day after I just ignored him. I donĀ't have anything to say to him. My "dad-account" is emptey and looked. I donĀ't care if he is alive or dead...
In june I will be married and I will get my future husbands lastname and that feels great. My lastname is the last thing I have that connect me to my father so that will be the final closure.
I miss a fathercharacter, someone I could bond with and feel a closeness with. I have accepted that I donĀ't have that and never will. I know that I have turned out to be a great person, because of him but not thankĀ's to him.
This is short version of my story. Thank you for letting me share it!
1 comment:
Aug 02, 2007, Em wrote:
Well, our stories are quite similar. IĀ'd like to be like you when I grow up. Find closure, and that. I hope you get ery happy with your husband. The best of luck, Em.
