For as long as i could remember my father was always away...i learned at a young age that he was an alcoholic...which in my eyes ment that he didnt have time for me, nor did he  care about my life and my family.
After a long childhood of my father being mostly absent he died suddenly.
complications with alcohol...ofcoarse and he was bipolar (mentaly ill)
3 days after my 14th birthday he was gone forever.....
ever since that day i have seen men differenty...
those are never to be trusted or enjoyed...but always needed.
i miss my father, but i am so angry at him for not being there for me ever.
and never giving me the confidence i so needed and still need to this day.
if only i could just speak with him for a few minutes..
i needed him so badly then and now,,,but i know i wouldnt ever want to change what happened.