I guess i donÂ't think about it that often, so maybe it doesnt bother me as much. When the topic arises, i have this immense feeling of sadness. See, my dad beat my mom when she was pregnant, so she left. IÂ've never met my dad, just talked to him on the phone every once in a while. I was excited to talk to him at first, but he is a very abusive person. He talks badly about my family (moms side) he likes to yell at me all the time because i dont call him enough.. ever since i was 14. He really enjoys telling me how much he wanted my mom to have an abortion. and how i need to be greatful to him, because if it wasnt for him and his sperm i wouldnt be alive.

Its not so much the words that are said, and those that are not. Its the association that goes along with it. Such as the abortion topic, its like it means that i wasnt wanted. not worth it.

i dont know i find it difficult to respect someone who would hurt their wife, talk badly about everyone. and express to a daughter that they have never met that he wanted an abortion, along with insults of how she is a dissapointment.

i just dont even know anymore.

i want to meet him, but i dont know if its to try and have that bond.. that in reality will probably never be.. or so i can punch him in the face.