Yohanna, 16
Submitted Jan 22, 2008
|
Yohanna has met her father |
|
Yohanna would like to meet her father |
|
Yohanna's father is dead |
IÂ'd like to apologize for my english, but IÂ'm only a 9:th grader.
So, this i my story. I donÂ't really know where this desire to tell the world my stort comes from. But it exict, and IÂ've tried several times to write it down. But tonightÂ's the night.
My father died in lungcancer when he was 33 years old, I was almost 2 and donÂ't remember him at all.
This year, was suposed to be the year when he turned 50, if he wouldÂ've lived. This is the year. IÂ'm planing to travel and see his friends, and in some sort of way, get to know the person which DNA iÂ'm carring.
Because, really, heÂ's nothing more then that. I can feel that heÂ's a very big  part of me. But I have no memories, no storys to think of when i lie awake, crying.
When the absents of my  father comes up in a conversation with my friends, some of them say " But youÂ're kind of lucky. If you wouldÂ've known him, you would have so much more to miss".
I canÂ't even start to explain how wrong that is. Because I would give anything, ANYTHING! to just have a moment with him. Just one tiny little memorie to hold on to, to remember when times are hard.
IÂ've herd from sevral people, that he was a great man. He was a politian. He couldÂ've done so much if that damn cancer wouldnÂ't have taken him. Fuck cancer.
I get so mad at times. Why would just my father die?! I get so selfish at times.
But deep down, I would never wish this pain on to someone else. Because itÂ's just us who have experienced it who know what i feels like.
His death, changed so many lifes.
My mother nearly killed herself, because she was feeling so much pain. My grandparents started to fall apart after his death, and is now divorcied.
So many times IÂ've thought to my self.
They say that everything has a meaning, but whatÂ's the meaning of this? His death only caused pain and suffering.
Maybe wheÂ've gotten stronger. But IÂ'd rather be weak, and have him hear.
This years, was suposed to be his 50:th birthday. IÂ'm gonna celbrate that  with getting to know him, because nowÂ's the time.
Anyone whoÂ've experienced this? IÂ'd love some support. Because this yearÂ's gonna be tough.
So, this i my story. I donÂ't really know where this desire to tell the world my stort comes from. But it exict, and IÂ've tried several times to write it down. But tonightÂ's the night.
My father died in lungcancer when he was 33 years old, I was almost 2 and donÂ't remember him at all.
This year, was suposed to be the year when he turned 50, if he wouldÂ've lived. This is the year. IÂ'm planing to travel and see his friends, and in some sort of way, get to know the person which DNA iÂ'm carring.
Because, really, heÂ's nothing more then that. I can feel that heÂ's a very big  part of me. But I have no memories, no storys to think of when i lie awake, crying.
When the absents of my  father comes up in a conversation with my friends, some of them say " But youÂ're kind of lucky. If you wouldÂ've known him, you would have so much more to miss".
I canÂ't even start to explain how wrong that is. Because I would give anything, ANYTHING! to just have a moment with him. Just one tiny little memorie to hold on to, to remember when times are hard.
IÂ've herd from sevral people, that he was a great man. He was a politian. He couldÂ've done so much if that damn cancer wouldnÂ't have taken him. Fuck cancer.
I get so mad at times. Why would just my father die?! I get so selfish at times.
But deep down, I would never wish this pain on to someone else. Because itÂ's just us who have experienced it who know what i feels like.
His death, changed so many lifes.
My mother nearly killed herself, because she was feeling so much pain. My grandparents started to fall apart after his death, and is now divorcied.
So many times IÂ've thought to my self.
They say that everything has a meaning, but whatÂ's the meaning of this? His death only caused pain and suffering.
Maybe wheÂ've gotten stronger. But IÂ'd rather be weak, and have him hear.
This years, was suposed to be his 50:th birthday. IÂ'm gonna celbrate that  with getting to know him, because nowÂ's the time.
Anyone whoÂ've experienced this? IÂ'd love some support. Because this yearÂ's gonna be tough.
