I took about one year for me to decide however i should join this forum or not. I think i dont want to admit that it is something that is difficault. Usually i dont talk about my father at all. He is an alcoholic and has been since i was born. My mother left him when i was about 10 months old. When i was 7-8 year i started to see him during my schoolbreaks. He stayed sober when i was there. We lived in different cities so my mom was never with us.But one day when i was visiting he got drunk and fell asleep during me getting dressed for us to go skiing. I was eight and understood that he was drunk because of the bottle he have had in his pocket all day. I called my mother on the phone and she arranged that my grand father and his wife picked me up outside. My father didnt woke up. I never heard from him after that, and my mother or i didnt call him. Thats very strange now when i think of it several years later. I just disapeared during his nap, and he didnt wanted to know where ive gone!? However about 16 years later ive got a letter telling that i had a 2000 kronor debt to pay for a telephone that i didnt even have! Later i realised that it was my father and his woman who had falsly opened a phone account in my name. Me and my mom went and visited him (he was drunk already). He couldnt understad that he had done something wrong. He acted as if nothing had happened since we met the last time. We left. i reported this to the police (about the debt) and i havent seen or heard anything from him sice. Last year (i am now 30 years old) i tried to find out his adress, but he was not no find anywhere. At the office they told me that he could ha ve gone abroad. Well i dont know. I want to meet him at the same time i dont.

I dont think it is especially my non existed relation to my father that have been the problem for me. It is more the fact that i have always blamed my mother for me not having a father. She never got married or met someone who could be that fatherly support and i have hated her for that. Ofcourse she cant help it, i know that. But my relationship with her and women at large have been more affected i think, than my relationship with men. Its strange..

I think that a father figure is wery important for doughters.

1 comment:

Tack Åsa för att du delar med dig, även om det tog dig över ett år;
Skriv gärna om du vill (Maila alltså :)
Känner med dig om det är ngn tröst!
Kram "B"