In April 2008, less than a year ago my Dad passed away. He was diognosed with a Brain Tumor.
When I was little my Dad was my Hero and I loved him so much. But as I got older I started to pick faults in him. Eventually I just got mad with him no matter what he did and avoided and ignored him as much as possible. He was diognosed with Cancer for a long time but eventually he got so ill that he had to stay in Hospital then when they told us it was turminal he was allowed to live at home although he couldnt move and wouldnt eat.
All this time I still thought I hated him and I refused to see him. I made up my mind that I had accepted a life without a father. Then the next couple of days He was gone.
I only realized then that despite everything I saw bad in him, he really loved me and I refused to see him on  his deathbed.
I hate myself for not even saying goodbye and I wish more than anything that i could have him back so I could tell him that I dont hate him and spend some time with him. I cant even remember the last time I hugged him and I most likely made his last few days harder. I can never forget what I have done and Im scared that im going to be in pieces for the rest of my life.
What should I do?