I was born in the small town of Madison, Florida and the oldest of 6 children.  My Mother was 15 years old when she became pregnant with me and apparently couldnÂ't remember by whom.  My Mom was married many, many times and I had "step-dads" if you want to call them that; but there was always something missing inside of me - I never really felt like I belonged anywhere.  When I was about 9 years old, the only man that I ever called Daddy hurt me in such a way that I have never healed from ~ my step-dad..the man that was supposed to take the place of my real dad...sexually abused me while my mom was in the hospital.  The most painful thing I can recall from my childhood.  I know my mom did the best she could raising me and told me all of my life that this one man was my dad; however, when I turned 21 years old and after the birth of my first child, I wanted to know for sure; I was tired of just wondering.  So, I took this man to court and asked for a DNA test....to my surprise and devastation it was negative.  My mom told me that it could only be one other man then and so I contacted this man and he agreed to take a blood test...and again..I was devastated - another negative result!  At that point, I just didnÂ't think I could deal with the pain any longer.  
So, here I am 38 years old, still searching, hoping, wondering if I will ever meet or know the man that helped create me.
As all of you know, the pain inside is a pain that never goes away.  You just learn how to push it away, deep down inside, and try to exist the best you can.  I live every day looking into the faces of men and wondering..."do I look like him?" "Could he be my dad?"....it is the most painful feeling imaginable.
I hope one day that God will see fit to allow me to just meet my "real" biological father...I donÂ't want anything from him; not even a relationship if it never works out...I just want to KNOW who he is; what he looks like; do I look like him?......the questions stay in my mind every day!