Amy, 18
Submitted Jun 21, 2012
Have never met my father Amy has never met her father
Would like to meet my father Amy would like to meet her father
So well,
It all started with me one day sitting on a swing at my daycare i was about 5 i think.
I saw kids with their fathers - and  just wondered why can't i have that..i remember feeling angry and hurt inside like this empty space inside my chest just opened. - i guess it's always been there i just didn't allow myself to feel that.

Then i asked my mom - why don't i have a father ?
And she told me the story of how i was made.
She was on a holiday  whit her friends and she met my daddy working at the hotel.
They began to flirt and BAM a summer fling.
When she came back to Sweden she was pregnant.

She did try looking for him in 3 years never heard a word from him.

It broke my heart when i heard my mom say that.

I was always so angry and sad thinking about him, how could he do this ? Am i not good enough to be his daughter ? ..

In so many ways i tried to "connect" with him as i kid.
Like reading about his culture and religion, just to sort of fill in the missing piece of something i never had. It never worked for me.

I just really for him to just on day stand out side my house and....just be there.

I blamed him for so much - it's his fault that my childhood was a nightmare. I still believe that things would have worked out better if he was around.

I'm empty inside - and i can still hear that little 7 year old girl crying after a daddy that will never show up.

I'm still angry because a big part of me is empty.
I really would like to see him only once have that fatherly hug i never got.

I guess all i can do is hope for that day to come.